Misunderstanding

Hi everyone

I just wanted to write a quick post to clarify a few things incase I offended or gave anybody the wrong impression from my last post.

I write these posts as if it were my diary. They are personal feelings and some are just for fun.

My last post ‘miscarriage for dummies’ was written because I felt sometimes we don’t know the do’s and dont’s In a bad situation. It was me expressing personal feelings that I had felt during the first few months after. Things people had said to me, or how they had acted that I felt needed addressing so that if anybody else goes through or knows someone that goes through this at least they could kind of know some ways to be a good supportive friend.

I did not once say or imply that people shouldn’t be happy if they are pregnant. Be happy, it’s a wonderful thing. Just be sensitive towards someone if they have suffered a loss/miscarriage. Try to remember they are going through a hard time and new pregnancy announcements are a little bit like rubbing salt in a open wound.

But that doesn’t mean don’t be happy. I don’t want anyone to feel bad about happy news. Again my blog is personal feelings that I felt as I was going through a tough situation. It is about me, my feelings, my thoughts.

All my love 🙂

Miscarriage For Dummies

Hi all,

Before I begin writing this post, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not mad at anyone specifically, neither is this a personal attack on anybody. This is just something that has been on my mind lately and I have wanted to address it for a while.

Since my last post about the miscarriage, I was feeling OK, but since being around people I have noticed a change in the way that people act around me. When I went home, around some people I felt like nobody knew what to say, and so they didn’t talk to me as they would normally, which is understandable. But it made me feel alienated and pretty crappy. I also felt people were failing to acknowledge something quite distressing had happened. So I wanted to write this post so people can feel more comfortable about the situation and just get a better idea of how to be a good friend.

The do’s and don’ts:

Don’t send pictures of your positive pregnancy tests and expect a happy reaction. I just lost something that I’ve worked hard 2.5 years for. If you want to share your good news with me, a text or an email saying hey I just wanted to let you know I’m pregnant, hope your’e doing ok… something along those lines would be much better, rather then throwing in my face your happy news. Just be considerate. Am I bitter about it? Clearly I am, not because you are pregnant, but because I am not anymore. Call me selfish, but I think I’m entitled to feel sad about it.

Do ask me how I am: It’s so comforting to know that people care, and it makes me feel I have people who are looking out for me

Dont brush off what has happened with comments like, ‘Oh it’s just not the right time’….. somewhere in the world a druggie is pregnant, I don’t think timing has anything to do with it and it really bothers me when people say that. Another one is ‘At least you weren’t that far along’ This one is more understandable, but I was 10 weeks when I had my DnC, by that time there should have been a baby… and after you see a heartbeat, I don’t think it matters how far along you were.

Do Listen

Don’t use the word negative, there were times I was really down and sad, and when people would say I was being negative, it made me want to punch them in the mouth and knock there teeth out. It’s ok to be down in the dumps, sometimes you can’t help it, it’s unfortunate, but guess what being miserable comes with infertility and a miscarriage, its such an emotional tornado and it makes you feel like a failure. It’s usually only temporary, but by calling someone negative when they are in a bad place is like pushing them deeper into the pit. Rather then point out the bad, try to encourage by being nice, and suggesting something positive.

Dont tell me how to feel. or what to do. Just be a friend and listen and be there.

DO talk to me like a normal person.

I was shocked at the lack of understanding from some people, it made me feel even worse then I already did. But thank fully I have some GREAT friends who are there for me all the time when I need them and I am able to talk to them without feeling worse about myself.

I went on allot of online Miscarriage forums for comfort and I was surprised that the same thing was happening to them, people saying insensitive and unwanted things. This is one of those things that happens to SO many women and people just don’t know how to deal with it because it’s not something people talk about. I would probably be the same way had I of not gone through what I’ve gone through.

Bottom line is, be a friend, listen, acknowledge and encourage.

Unknown

 

 

A few little thoughts

Hi everyone,

It’s been a long summer, sorry I have not blogged sooner. I’m writing this from my phone so hopefully there won’t be too many errors, I apologize in advance.

James and I have moved AGAIN, but this time it will be a more permanent situation. We are in Claremont, ca and I absolutely love the area here. We live in a beautiful townhome with everything we need in walking distance. Reminds me so much of home, which is why I love it so much.

For most of the summer I was in England, I threw Lucy a baby shower and got to be there when she gave birth and what an awesome experience that was, but that’s for it’s own post if Lucy’s ok with me doing that 🙂

I have been struggling a little bit after the whole miscarriage, so many people are pregnant it’s really hard to get get away from it. I deleted Facebook off my phone so I don’t get depressed every time I see pregnancy announcements, or people posting how happy they are with their hundreds of children, and how great motherhood is, and I’m trying to focus on anything other than that. I have been getting frustrated with people’s lack of sensitivity towards the situation and I will be posting about that, but that’s a whole different and deeper post for another time.

I have applied for college for January 2014 to take some photography classes, scary but glad to be progressing in something that I enjoy. I want to do something I love and be GREAT at it 🙂
James has said he will sing with me…. So hopefully he actually will. If not ill just keep singing by myself.

James and I just had lindy (James’ sister) randy and the kids visit this past weekend, we went to magic mountain and it was awesome. They have a new ride called ‘full throttle’ and was AWESOME… You must go and you must ride it 🙂

Other than my sister having the most wonderful little baby in the world, and our move to Claremont, not much else is happening over here. But I will post about the birth, if Lucy’s ok with that, and my miscarriage for dummies.

Hope everyone is doing great, I will blog soon 🙂